Is it Time to Legalize Murder?

Murder needs to be legalized. Illegal murder only pushes it into the black market, where cartels of thugs can overcharge and abuse their position given a lack of competition. Making murder legal also allows it to be taxed and regulated, so that murderers can work in sanitary and humane conditions, and revenues can be used to lower the budget deficits or increase spending on social programs.

It would also allowed small businessmen to enter the market and provide innovate murder solutions, with a focus on quality and diversity, all the while improving efficiency in murder techniques and devices.

Some argue that this is what the ‘defense industry is for’. My point exactly. Illegal murder only strengthens large providers and stifles competition, leading to unnecessary wars and also making legitimate murder targets like an annoying neighbor or a dickhead at work immune from market forces.

You see, if murder wasn’t illegal, we could attempt to kill each other to settle our differences. Or even better, we could reduce our guilt and increase effectiveness by hiring a trained professional to do it.

There would no doubt also be an incentive for firms to offer complementary guilt reduction service for instance by reassuring us that the killing was quick and painless. Alternatively, there would be the option to also increase our thrill by saying and/or doing the opposite, ie. that the person suffered greatly and his family wept for weeks.

The market would make such choices available, such that killing could customized to better fit an individual’s preferences, compared to now were only a few crude and highly expensive services exist in black market.

Listen, murder was illegal in Maoist China, and yet they had famine that killed 100,000,000,000.000,000 people. If it hadn’t been, people could have attacked and eaten each other much easier, or better yet kill Mao and the regime and thus prevent the famine from ever being engineered in the first place.

How does this help? Because the government restricts the emergence of a properly functioning market. If murder were legalized it could be regulated like any other market service.

Indeed, competition would provide the perfect driver of better murder solutions, insuring that for instance bile and internal organs were cleaned and perhaps donated to a local hospital.

“When you buy MRN Murder Services (TM), whether you realize it or not, you are buying into something bigger then just killing someone: You are buying into a murder ethics. Through our MRN Industries Shared Plutonas Program, we donate more organs than any company in the world: Insuring that poor children who are suffering get the organs they need. Moreover, we invest in and improve murder practices and death worship communities around the globe. It’s a good murder karma! On top of all that, little bits that remain of the dilapidated corpses help decorate our offices & community centers, spreading cultural and artistic awareness.”

There is also the possibility of trading on prospective murders and the economic impact they will have on the certain markets.

Murder options, puts on assassination contracts and the ability to trade such probability estimates in the derivative market have to be a near future option for this potential industry.

We may need an International death regulation act with a regulatory body (Mortality Control Authority) at some stage but they should be limited in power so as to not unduly pinion the free market.

One must also consider the massive spin off effects of this new growth area on the arms industry, pharmaceuticals and chemical firms, tremendously boosting market inputs into all these sectors.

Regulation and licensing of murder through the MCA should recoup significant taxation for various states as well as their increased taxation/ royalties from associated industries in the military industrial complex.

In effect murder makes everyone (of consequence) a winner.

The free market solves everything with no negative effects… ever. Right?